Stargazing
by Dark Huntress
Summary: "I made a promise to you, Edward, one I intend to keep. We are through." Just a month after they are married Bella calls it quits. Edward's done the unthinkable and there is no going back. J/B
1. Renesmee

**A/N:** I hadn't actually planned on putting this story out until much later. In fact, my timeline of stories, this one was third or fourth on the list. Another Jake/Bella fic and a Sam/Bella fic on schedule to go out before this one, both very long detailed stories in of themselves. But this story, and my muse, would not hear of it. So...I...gave in...like usual.

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the original characters, but I do own the plot line, so no touchey.

**Rating:** R (M)

**Note:** Pay attention to **A/N** at the bottom. All the books occurred besides BD, this is a BD alternative and a non-imprint story.

**~Chapter 1: Renesmee~**

I stretched, the soft downy mattress pulling me back into the land of dreams as the sweet scent of palm leaves and ocean salt wafted through the cabin. Despite the fine linen and sultry heat, I felt myself frown as my body lacked the ache I missed. He hadn't touched me since. It was aggravating and painful; just how much he didn't want to touch me now that he thought he had hurt me. I missed the touch of my husband.

Groaning I sat up, blearily wiping away the last vestiges of sleep before groggily making my way to the kitchen, his still as statue body surprising me momentarily. It still astounded me just how immobile they could be. They didn't shift for a more comfortable spot, they didn't need to breathe, they never tapped their fingers restlessly, they simply waited, and in the early morning hours when I was teetering on my feet, it always seemed unreal.

"Good morning, love," he greeted as he turned slowly, his golden eyes devouring my scantily clad body, a ritual I had been insistent on in hopes of tempting him back to my bed, so far I had been wholly unsuccessful. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not as well as I would have had you been there," I commented before sitting across from him, my hands kneading my shoulders to work out the kinks.

He frowned at my comment but didn't reply, his back falling once more against the chair as he looked out our kitchen window, the warm sun filtering through the lacey curtains to bounce of his skin in iridescent rainbows. He was magnificent, each time I looked at him my heart raced with anticipation and love so extraordinary I could hardly breathe. He was mine, completely mine, and despite my reservations about marriage I found the idea suddenly thrilling.

"Are you hungry?" he asked as he turned back to look at me, his eyes still clouded in thought and his mouth still scowling.

"Not really," I replied, my earlier good mood falling, it seemed that he had been thinking again, far too much, he always acted this way when he had been.

He didn't respond but stood and instantly started preparing food despite my protests. I felt my own smile fall in a frown, I wasn't hungry, and in fact I was filling slightly ill and had been for the past few days. But despite my attempts to dissuade him he always fixed me something despite my own feelings. It was slightly annoying and endearing all at the same time. He cared for me, I knew that, always looking out for me, but I didn't relish the thought of spending another moment hovering over the toilet.

"Really, Edward, I'm not hungry," I said again as I tried to inflict a little more force behind my statement, my stomach was already twisting at just the smell.

"Darling you must eat; your human body reacquires sustenance far more frequently than my own. You will make yourself weak; I am only looking out for what is best for you," he said and I frowned, the scolding tone setting me on edge. I was not a child and I resented being treated as such.

He quickly sat the plate of waffles in front of me, the sweet scent of maple syrup and melting butter causing my stomach to roll uncomfortably. Edward sat down on the opposite side his eyes watching my every move as I avoided his gaze, trying to settle the queasy nausea that had so suddenly overtaken me. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, hoping that it would help avoid the disaster I could already feel coming.

"Really, Bella, you are being childish," he commented and I wanted to scream at him but held my tongue, knowing that it was the only thing that kept the bile down.

Just as soon as I thought the moment was over, it stabbed me again, with such ferocity that I had shoved the chair back so quick that I even surprised my vampire husband. The clattering of wood on wood did little to stop me as I slammed open the bathroom door and kneeled over the stool, my back heaving with my shivers. It was awful, the worse kind of sick I had been in such a long time. My hands trembled as I flushed it down, my head resting on the edge of the tub to my right. And suddenly, once more, I was so exhausted.

Edward's cool hands soothed my burning flesh as I moaned pitifully, my muscles cramping as I continued to dry heave. Turning I smiled at him, reassuring him that I was well without the words; speech was beyond me at the moment. But a new jolt rocketed through me, my body shuddering as I reached to touch his fine bronze hair.

"I am afraid, my love, that you have taken the flu," he said as he picked me up, his arms encompassing me and carrying me back to the lavish bed.

I didn't say anything, my eyes solely focused on the mussed locks that fell haphazardly over his snow white forehead.

_I laughed with her, my arms tugging gently at her bronze locks before racing ahead of her, the meadow full of wild daisies and rows of brilliant lavender. It was breathtaking, the deep greens of the grasses and pines offsetting the beautiful array of wild bouquets. The small child giggled as she danced in her white dress, lacey and strung with pearls, it was far too delicate for any child to play in, but she seemed to have no problems. _

_Her pale white hands picked the flowers as she talked rapidly about nonsense, most of which I didn't understand, but nodded and hummed along to. She was so happy, so full of life and love that I felt the need to hold her and never let go. I did then, pulling her to my chest and fussing over her wild curls that framed her cherubic face so well. Chocolate browns orbs looked into my own then, gleaming white teeth bared as she lunged at me, tackling us to the ground as we both laughed, our world full of flowers and butterflies. _

"_Daddy!" she cried as she jumped up, her small legs racing faster than I would have thought possible, and I smiled indulgently as Edward appeared at the meadow's edge, the sun bouncing off his skin like small embedded diamonds. _

_He picked her up and whirled her about, her skirt flying around her as she grasped his neck, a radiant smile lighting up his strong features. I felt my heart flutter in my chest as I placed my hands beneath me to stand, my breath catching in my throat as I watched my own hand shine iridescently in the sunlight. It was mesmerizing and I was momentarily stunned by the sight. And by the time I erected myself the child was once more at my side. _

"_Mommy, here, these are for you," she cried as I bent down then, the beautiful crown of flowers easily fitting atop my head. _

"_Thank you, Renesmee," I replied, and the dream faded away. _

I felt my mouth go dry as the vision from the night before swam before my eyes, my hand automatically falling to my flat stomach. Was that it? It was impossible though, right? Edward was a vampire and vampires could not have children, their bodies didn't have the ability to change like they needed them to. But Edward was a male vampire, and males didn't need to have their bodies change like the women did, they only planted the seed.

Edward sat me down, his eyes worried as he hovered over me, fussing with pillows and blankets, but I paid him little mind. As soon as the idea entered my head I knew it was true, knew that the child from my dreams was now the one I held so protectively in my womb. It was possible, improbable yes, highly unlikely most definitely, but still possible. As long as Edward had done no sexual activity in his entire existence, then perhaps the sperm because of his core temperature had actually been frozen inside his body. It was unbelievable on the best of days, hardly conceivable, but it was the only explanation I had. I was carrying Edward's daughter, the only offspring he would ever have the chance of rearing, and I was inexplicably sobbing.

Edward wrapped me in his marble arms as I sobbed into his chest, my heart swelling at the amount of sweeping love I felt then. I had never realized that I could love anyone as much or more than my husband, but I did. This tiny miracle that I knew instinctively that rested inside me held my heart completely and totally. She was the reason for my existence, for everything in my life from now on. She was my everything.

"Edward," I choked out, my voice breathy as I came to this conclusion, my mind racing as my heart pounded in my chest. He would be so happy; he could have a part of a life he thought was dead to him.

"What is it, love?" he asked as he smoothed the hair from my forehead, his cool breath whispering across my cheek as he held me close.

"Oh, Edward," I sobbed as I pulled him closer, the smile bursting from me as I sat back, the tears still falling. "I don't have the flu, I'm not sick!"

"Food poisoning?" he asked and I laughed, his confusion so adorable and the giddiness in me suffocating out any lingering nausea I had left.

"No, silly, I'm pregnant," I felt my cheeks tighten as the smile became larger, the words tasting sweet in my mouth. "We're going to have a baby."

"Bella, it's not just possible, I apologize," he said formally, his gaze melancholy. "Vampires are just not able to reproduce."

"No, don't you see? The reason you can't is you can't physically change, but you don't need to. I can and I'm the only one who needs to. Your sperm, it must have somehow stayed active after all these years, we're going to have a baby!" I cried, his face was stoic, I didn't understand how he could be so nonchalant about the whole thing.

"How are you so sure, Bella? This conclusion doesn't even make sense," he replied, his voice to critical that I felt my own happiness dampen.

"I know, Edward, because I dreamed of her last night. It sounds crazy, I know, but I saw what she'll look like and she's perfect Edward. I wish you could see her, I wish you could read my mind and understand, but it's the truth," I explained, my hands falling on his as I implored him to understand.

He frowned and then sighed, his mouth twisting and I knew he was about to placate me, not truly believing what I was trying to tell him. He was a man and he didn't understand what it was like to suddenly know that your body was no longer just your own, to know that someone else solely depended on your own health for their survival.

"Lay down, Bella, I've been in enough hospitals to know what I'm looking for. Even so early, we can smell the change," he explained as he laid me down, and I gladly did so, ready for him to find out and share in my excitement.

His nose ghosted along my chemise as the black lacey material bunched under his movement, I held back the giggle that worked up my throat. His touch was so gentle I nearly screamed in both want and laughter. It was when he suddenly came to a halt over my lower abdomen that he confirmed what I already knew. His movements stilled so suddenly that it startled me, his grip tightening only slightly before he ripped the light material away from my body, leaving me exposed to the morning air. His nose dug more forcibly into my skin, as his eyes widened, and his pallor seemed to whiten.

"It's impossible," he murmured as he once again breathed in my scent, his once solid arms now shaking with anxiety as he slowly lifted his head and looked at me.

"It can't be," he said, his mouth moving without speaking as he touched my stomach with a reverent hand, a small ghost of a smile falling on his marble lips before slipping away.

"But it isn't," I said as I sat, pushing his palm more forcibly against me, his fingers splaying across my tingling flesh. "She's in there, our baby, our beautiful daughter."

Moments passed as I watched his face, a cold reality setting over me as the reaction I yearned for never came across his face. His eyes were once against stone and he gently removed his hand, his body stiffly removing itself from my side as he refused to look at me. I felt my body tremble and my eyes fill with tears.

"I'm sorry, Bella, if I had known what could happen I would have never been so selfish," he responded and I felt my gut clench, the screaming in my head nearly deafening.

"No, don't you see? It's a gift, a miracle, there's nothing to be sorry for!" I cried out as he began pacing his lips moving to words too fast for me to hear.

"We will leave immediately, I will contact Carlisle and he can meet us at the airport. We will take care of this, love, there's no need to be afraid," he said, his hand automatically reaching for his pocket.

"Take care of it? It's not a nasty wart you can just get rid of; this is a baby, our baby! How can you say that!" I cried as I scooted away from him, for the first time real fear shook me. For once I truly feared my husband.

"My love, I didn't know you wished for children so badly, if I had I would never have trapped you in this life. We will adopt love, or if you wish, you can have a child with another. But this monster could destroy you, and I will not risk your life for my own selfish desires," he responded, his eyes held no warmth and for a flash I saw a monster in my home, not the caring man I had fallen for.

"Don't touch me! It's my body, Edward, my life! And this," I shouted as I gestured wildly to my stomach, my nudity never phasing me as the sobs racked my form, "this is my baby, you can't have her!"

He frowned as I stumbled from him, his hands falling limply back to his sides as he took a large breath, his eyes searching my own before nodding his head.

"You are right, of course," he said as he gently stepped forward, I watched him carefully, my body fully alert to run despite the foolishness of such an act. "I was scared, but you are correct, it is your choice. And I am happy, Bella, I never thought this was possible, you have given me so much, love."

"So, no more of this getting rid of her?"I questioned, my heart still hammering as I let his solid arms comfort me, I collapsed against him.

"No, of course not," he responded, his grip tightening as he softly kissed my forehead, "I still suggest we head home early though, we will need Carlisle's constant guidance."

I nodded my head, he was right of course, having a half vampire half human baby was sure to be different than just having a human child. We would need to have her monitored at all times to make sure she was alright. I felt relief flood me, everything would be alright.

11111

We stepped off the small jet, my hand automatically allowing Edward to help me off the stairs, the usual embarrassment with being handled absent. I had another to worry about now I was no longer the only one getting hurt and I would let no one arm her.

The wind whipped about us, my hoodie pulling tight against my frame as we jogged towards the terminal, the clouds above us rolling in anger. Relief washed through me as the familiar Washington weather sprang up. It was perfect.

"Alice!" I cried out as I ran to her, my arms encircling her shoulders as I laughed my earlier good mood coming back full force as Edward trailed behind me. "I've missed you so much!"

"I have missed you as well," she replied, her voice lacking the excitement that I expected, I pulled away with a frown.

Looking to my left I felt my heart start to pound. Where were the others?

"What's going on?" I asked as I pulled away from the embrace, my arms locking around my stomach protectively as cold chills raced down my spine.

"Bella, love, I'm sorry, but we have to do what's best for you," Edward stated as he stepped forward and I nearly screamed, my body stumbling over a crack in the cement before righting myself.

"No, get away from me!" I cried out as I fell against the cement wall, my eyes overflowing as I pleaded with them for my daughter's life.

"I talked to Carlisle and it's just not possible for you to survive this, Bella, the odds of you dying are just to monumental," my husband once again explained, my shoulders shaking as I tried to reason with them.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I can't see you anymore," Alice added as she dryly sobbed beside me, her lips quivering as she tried to compose herself.

I shrieked when they reached for me, my ankle rolling as I turned to get away, already knowing it was useless, but I had to try. My leg cried in agony as I ran, the moment only lasting seconds as I felt steel arms wrap around my stomach, holding me tightly against his chest. I kicked and screamed, pounding my fists into his arms until they bruised and my fingernails cracked. But still he did not let go, only whispered words of comfort that meant little to me.

"I swear, Edward, if you let this happen, if you kill our baby, I'm getting a divorce!" the threat seemed hollow to what he would deserve but it was the only thing I had, the only leverage I could use against them.

"I am truly sorry you feel that way love, but we can discuss it after," he consoled as he kissed my temple, my head spinning when I bashed it against his face. "I must do what is best for you."

"Alice, hold her arms," Carlisle instructed as he pulled a needle from his bag, his gentle face twisted in remorse as he loaded the syringe.

"No, Alice, please! You are my best friend, my sister!" I pleaded, my words almost overpowered by my cries, my throat closing.

"I know…that's why I'm doing this. Your future disappears, Bella, I can't let you die," she says as she holds my arms, my legs now my only defense as I kick at shins and knee caps without success.

"I am sorry, Bella," Carlisle says as he approaches, his hands gentle despite his intentions, and I think it made me hate him all the more. "This will all be over when you wake up."

11111

"_Mommy!" her voice called to me as my vision cleared, her bouncing curls reflecting the moonlight as she danced amongst the shadows, small fireflies landing on her hands before flying away again. _

_She moved so gently amongst them, her tiny fingers barely touching them, always mindful of her strength against their fragility. She giggled as one landed on her nose, kissing her gently, before flitting away again, joining its brothers. I sat on the porch steps, content to just watch her, her beautiful rosy cheeks flushed with her play. _

_Soon she joined me, her small arms wrapping around my neck as she snuggled against me, her legs hanging off my lap as she pointed happily to all her new friends. _

"_Mommy?" she asked and I turned to her, frowning when I noticed the lost look she wore, her eyes tearing up as she grasped my hand in her own. _

"_What is it, baby?" I asked, my other arm encircling her as I rubbed her arm gently, my own body wishing to make tears to match her sadness._

"_Why doesn't daddy love me?" she asked, the innocence in her voice causing me to gasp in pain, my heart clenching. She wasn't mad or resentful, but her sorrow was profound and tangible in the air, the earlier fireflies now resting on the ground. "Why doesn't he love me, Mommy? I love him so much."_

"_Oh, baby, no, he loves you," I said, trying to reassure her as she broke into tears, her tiny body shivering in the night air. _

"_Then why doesn't he want me? I'll be good, Mommy, I promise!" she cried as she hugged me tighter, and I shushed her, promising that her daddy always wanted her. _

_Just then she cried out, her body convulsing inward, her eyes widening as she moaned in pain. I pulled back to look at her, my arms loosening, and worry raising through me so quickly that I felt my own body moan in agony. _

_Suddenly she was pulled from my grasp, her screams of terror pulling me to follow, but no matter how fast I was, the thing taking her was twice as fast. And soon, too soon, she was pulled into the dark woods around the house, her cries echoing in the air. _

_And just as quickly, the air fell silent. _

I awoke slowly, the stench of chemicals and rubber burning my nose as my head pounded, my temples and eyes burning. The sound of people far away reached my ears as footsteps echoed just out of reach. Metal wheels squeaked by me and for a moment I was disoriented, confused on where I was. But soon the scent of stale blood flooded my senses and the paper of a thin gown covering my body suddenly came to the front of my conscious.

And then, oh God, I knew.

My hands instantly flew to my stomach, but before where there had been fullness and heart filling happiness, I now felt only hollow. I was empty. My daughter, my baby, had been ripped away from me by the one I had sworn to spend the rest of my existence with. The father of my child had killed my baby. The pain was indescribable.

I turned in on myself, my arms wrapped around my knees as I ignored the stiffness of my limbs and the way that certain areas physically pained me. I ignored all of it because all that mattered in this world was how empty my womb now was. I would never see her smiling eyes, never hold her in my arms or braid her wild curls. She was gone, taken away by the ones she should have been able to trust the most. The ones I trusted the most.

I gasped as another wave of agony flooded me, my sorrow so deep I heard the scream before I felt the burn at the back of my throat. My lungs seizing as I wheezed and dry heaved over the side of the bed, the too thin cotton sheets twisting around me as I kicked my legs free. Nothing made it better. My heart pounded in my chest and my eyes felt raw with the tears, but I couldn't stop, couldn't stop picturing her smiling face that morphed into agony as she slipped away. She was gone. My baby was gone.

Nurses entered but I didn't pay them any mind, nearly sighing in relief as I felt the prick of the needle before lashing out as memories flooded me. No, they took her away this way. I couldn't sleep, couldn't escape, I needed to mourn, needed to scream and throw things and claw at the walls. But they didn't pay attention. They didn't care. And too soon, all too soon, the world fell black.

11111

This time when I woke up it was without the disorientation from before, this time I knew where I was, knew what had happened. A small sob broke through my chapped lips, the skin cracked and scabbed, but the pain was welcomed. Anything to keep my mind off of her, off her sweet face and smiling eyes that would never see the light of day, my daughter, my baby.

My Renesmee.

I slowly sat up, my arms shaking with the effort. I had to get out of here, away from them, away from the murderers who took her so callously. Dressing was harder than I ever imagined, my feet unwilling to slip into my jeans and my hands trembling so bad that tying my shoes was nearly impossible. But each task took thought, made me stop thinking if only for a moment. I just had to do, not think.

I stumbled into the hallway, uncaring the way that the nurses looked at me, uncaring that they were most likely around every corner. No one tried to stop me.

I stepped up to the front desk, signing my release forms in a haze, my hands moving when my mind refused to accept the reality of the situation. The woman at the desk looked at me, her eyes scolding as she took the clipboard back, her hair flipping as she dismissed me. I couldn't find it in me to care.

The rain soaked me instantly, my thin clothing leaving me shivering on the curb, but I didn't care. The cold was welcomed, anything was welcomed but thinking.

11111

I stumbled up the drive, my ankle throbbing as it twisted on the uneven surface, my body convulsing with the tremors of suppressed tears and chilled flesh. I didn't care. Nothing mattered. Not anymore at least.

The door fell heavily against my weight, my body sliding to the floor, unwilling and unable to go any further. And I gratefully leaned against the wood, my muddy sneakers squeaking on the linoleum as the old woven rug bunched underneath me. Mud caked my jeans and shirt, the rain water falling off me in torrents as the heat from the register to my back doing little to alleviate the cold.

"Bells?" his voice undid me, my body falling to the floor as I hugged myself, my shoulders shaking as the built up tears finally fell.

I looked up at his approach, his face so stricken with lines of fear that briefly I felt sympathy for how I must look, but soon too soon the sorrow took it away. Momentarily I allowed the surprise of their faces wash through me, Billy's beer half frozen on its way to his mouth, hands trembling before the bottle clattered to the floor, the rug soaking up the fluid. And Jacob, beautiful Jacob, his body half risen from his chair, muscles bunched, as he looked at me in wild anguish. And all the while, as Charlie pulled me to his chest, his body rocking my broken one back and forth, his scent of beer and pine bringing me some comfort, the Mariners played in the background.

**A/N:** Ok first off I don't really know how people will react to the dream sequences along with the abortion, because the one is obviously directly related. I don't really care how the audience takes it (that sounded callous), you can either take it as Renesmee directly communicating with Bella or how I originally meant for it to be taken, which is, that Bella has slightly psychic dreams which she has throughout SM's original series. One is much more heart wrenching and the other was the original plan, so either way, its up to you.

Also, I realize that the subject of abortion is very a sensitive subject for some, and I respect your viewpoints either way on the subject. I am not trying to push my beliefs on any of you, and I don't want some kind of debate appearing about it in any reviews I may get. I personally don't believe in it, but then again, that's your own personal belief and I respect your stand on it. I am merely trying to stick with Bella's reaction in BD, and how I feel she would have reacted had Edward made the decision for her like he did so many times before withour her consent all in the name of her well being.

So besides all that dearies, let me know what you think. Ja!

DH


	2. Truth

**A/N:** Sorry about the wait guys I lost the original version of this back when the severe thunderstorms raced across the Midwest here a few weeks ago. I really hope I didn't forget anything. If you have any questions let me know.

**Rating:** R (M)

**A special thanks to: **ladybug82896, Susanj01, Cathy, gmb1064, kaciemarie, et, MissTeenageDream, Holy Cross Baby, and twilightobsessed40873a. Thank you all so very much for supporting me in this endeavor. Without you guys I would give up on my stories completely, I am truly glad you like this plot and are interested. I truly do apologize for the wait and hope that you enjoy this chapter as well.

**~Chapter 2: Truth~**

The sun shone down through the window, small dew drops clung to the window pane because for once it wasn't raining. It should have been pouring. Nothing should be as beautiful and peaceful on a day filled with so much sorrow, so much pain that I literally could not move. The pain of Edward leaving was nothing, nothing but a drop in an ocean compared to the agonizing awareness that she was no longer here. My daughter. My baby.

Cold blooded monster.

Amusement flashed through me, I recognized it as it slid by, my mind shifting through it even when my body didn't realize it was there. All I could focus on was the pain, the overwhelming need to vomit and cry and hide, the need to hold tight to what I still had. And the hatred, oh God, the hatred. I could feel it, always there, festering like an infected wound that refused to heal. This would never heal, never go away.

Murderer.

My phone buzzed on the night stand, a hollow empty noise that irritated my senses, the darkness in me growing as I slid further away from it. It was him, I knew it was him. I didn't want to see him, didn't want to acknowledge his existence, because if he was there, then this was real. And _this_, this couldn't be real. I couldn't handle this if it was real. I needed it to be a dream, a nightmare that I was stuck in; it was the only way I could survive.

I knew soon he would come, would go against my wishes and storm into my sanctuary and destroy all I had worked for because that's what he did. My gut clenched at the thought. A week, a whole damned week that blurred before my eyes filled with tears and soul wrenching agony so deep that my teeth still ached with the taste. And still it was not enough. There would never be enough mourning for her, not enough tears shed, and never enough misery to experience for her death to be recognized. She had been everything to me, my whole world, my baby. Gone.

"Bells?" his voice made the agony release, and once more the tears formed, the whole ripping wide open where before I had been able to shove it back.

He hadn't left me and I hadn't said a word. Charlie had stopped coming in after the first few days, already calling Renee to come get me. I had refused to go. I couldn't leave, couldn't go back to the sun and sand and life, because if I went back it would be like she never existed. And I needed to forget, needed to believe that she hadn't been real, but I couldn't. Because she had to be real.

His warm arms wrapped around me as he hugged me close and even his heat and comfort could not penetrate the sorrow and winter I found myself in. Nothing could. Nothing would ever chase away the hollowness that now rested in me. She was gone. My baby was gone.

"Shhh, honey, I'm here," he whispered, his warm breath causing my body to shiver as the sobs tore through me, my chest convulsing on itself. Nothing made it better, not even the sun.

Hours, minutes, days passed without my knowledge, and still he stayed, still he clung to me when there was nothing left. Still he stayed and still the hatred and burning hunger pulled me further and further into the woman I did not recognize. She was angry, sore, agonizing, and thirsty. I wanted him to hurt, wanted him to mourn, wanted him to suffer as he left me to do. And despite my reluctance to see him, my gut clenched at the thought that he hadn't tried.

" Bells, I have to go, honey," he whispered, his weight shifting as the mattress lifted, the comforting warmth suddenly missing. "I'll be back tonight, promise."

I didn't answer, I never did, and he no longer expected me to. My stomach protested his departure, my muscles screaming to reach for him, to pull him close, but I forced them down, retreating into myself. He would be back, he always came back. Jake. My sun.

The door shut quietly behind him, the room suddenly too still, too empty, and my soul cried out in agony at the thought. I needed him, needed the warmth like never before. I couldn't stand the cold, couldn't stand the night. A month, a month of nothing of days blurring together into weeks, hours into days. The passage of time was nothing to me, no healing and no comfort to the emptiness that would not leave, that only festered and grew. I was empty, my arms were empty. And still he went; still he walked this world somewhere without the emptiness that I felt, without the agony that I could not escape. He still walked this world and he still had control.

I lifted myself from the bed, the sheets leaving me naked to the coldness of the room, but I shrugged it off, determined to make him hurt, to make him whither as much as he had forced it on me. The phone, the damned machine that had haunted me for days in the beginning, reminding me of just how much they controlled my life, of how little I mattered, lay silent and still.

I ripped the charged from the drawer, my breath laboring from just the tiny exertion, my muscles protesting as I made them do my bidding. Soon I could lie back down, soon I could lose myself in the misery that still wormed through my veins, but now, now he would hurt. Now it was his turn.

The screen lit up, the sharp metallic melody hurting me with its memory, but later I could cry, later I could hide, but now I had to fight.

Their names blurred before me, the ripping gully through my heart intensifying, deepening, but soon I could try to sow it shut, soon, but not yet.

His name flashed in my vision and before I could back out I hit the send button, my stomach turning in knots, protesting, but I didn't care.

"_Hello?"_ I jolted at the voice, memories flooding me as I fell to the floor, my elbow slamming into the bedframe as I sucked in a breath.

"Emmett?" without his hearing I knew he wouldn't have heard me, the choked sob so weak that I barely recognized the movement.

"_Bells? Damn it girl, what happened? I haven't heard from you in a month, the whole family is flippin' the fuck out…,"_ I cut him off before he could finish, the cry of agony tearing through me before I could stop it.

"_Bells? Don't cry, I'm sorry, shit, I'm not good at this shit, you know that," _I did know that, knew that he would be racing here as we spoke, because no matter what I was family and family was everything to him.

I hung up the phone, unable to continue, unable to stand the feel of the phone in my hand, unable to handle the blinking screen that read pending messages, that said 257 missed calls. I instantly ripped the chord from the wall, satisfied at the sharp snap as the end broke, good. I didn't want it to work ever again.

I slipped into Jake's shirt he had left, noticing weakly that my room, once so orderly was now littered with his clothes. Bed sheets were rumpled and the desk that he worked at every night was littered with papers, books hanging precariously off the side. I couldn't make myself care, couldn't really find it in me to move them, to reassert myself in my own walls.

The knock on the door didn't surprise me, didn't make me jump as I was sure it should have. Instead I turned, calling softly for him to enter, my body growing cold, his amber eyes causing me to cry out as I clutched at my chest, trying and failing to hold myself together. No. No I couldn't handle this, couldn't handle the reminder. He had done nothing wrong, but still the pain of those familiar eyes scorched me with its intensity. I needed Jake, needed my sun to keep away the ice.

"Bella!" he tried to comfort, his marble hands gentle as he hugged me, but it only caused me to fall into tremors, my lungs seizing as I wrapped my arms more soundly around myself. No, please no, not now.

Her smiling face danced before my eyes then, bronze curls bouncing as she jumped, her teeth so white they were blinding. She was so beautiful, such innocence and love reflected in those brown orbs and before I could hold her she had been taken, stolen from my clutches. Nothing would make me forget, no one could comfort me.

"Get the hell away from her!" his snarl should have frightened me, I should have worried about a fight forming in my room, but I didn't, I couldn't bring myself to care.

The cold arms fell away as I clutched the blanket to my chest, falling to my side as I cried, my sobs echoing off the walls, the other two silent. Then soon the warm arms from before fell around me, comfort flickering in the recesses of my mind as I slowly fell from my panic. He was here. As long as he was here he would hold me together. As long as he was here I could do this.

I wasn't sure how long I laid there, curled in on myself, my arms around my stomach as my hands fisted to my sides. Jake curled around me, his body cushioning my own as he murmured in my ear, the warmth seeping slowly into my lifeless skin. I needed him, needed him to remind me that there was still some good in this world even if I wasn't able to see it.

"I need to sit up," I whispered then, my voice but a breath, but Jake heard, his body rising with mine as he kept his arms around me, holding me together when I wasn't able to do it for myself.

"Say the word, Bells, and he's gone," Jake growled, his chest vibrating with the noise, the tremors rocking me. "Promise."

"Just try, Pongo," Emmett hissed, his eyes hard as diamonds, his eyes watching my every move as his stone muscles flexed.

Jake tensed behind me, the growls growing in intensity as his arms tightened around me. But even as anger vibrated through him, even though he was so much stronger than me, Jake never allowed his strength to harm me. And I knew without a doubt that he never would. He built things up while they destroyed.

"No, Jake, I have to do this," I whispered, my voice slowly gaining strength as I pulled on the comfort of the hatred boiling so deeply inside me. "Emmett, I need your help."

"Anything, sis," he said, his body slowly relaxing, but only minutely, I knew that he was ready to rip me away from Jake at any moment.

"I need you to contact your lawyer, I need you to help me get divorce papers lined up," I said slowly, my voice rough with disuse but full of passion.

"Divorce?" he said, his voice incredulous as he suddenly looked at Jake's arms around me in a new light, now his growl filled the room in fury. "There better be a damned good reason why you're about to rip my brother's heart out, and it better not be because your sleeping with that mutt."

Jake growled, his voice harsh as he cursed in my ear, his body tensing further, but I held him back, my hand resting gently on his. He stilled but still he fidgeted, begging me silently to let him go, to let him remove the vampire that stood by, glaring menacingly at the two of us on the bed. I didn't blame Emmett, he didn't know what had happened, but the pain at the thought of explaining it to him stole my breath.

"He…" I looked to Jake then, my throat closing in on itself as tears streamed down my cheeks, but I knew he was no help, he didn't know either.

"I haven't slept with Jacob, Em," I responded, my hands fisting as I fought through the pain, my chest humming with agony.

After that Emmett sat on the floor his gaze steady as he watched me, the betrayal stinging my lips and tongue as I told it. As it progressed the room filled more and more with growls as the two men fought for control, anger and hatred running through their eyes so deep and for once, not for each other.

"I can't see him, Em, I can't talk to him, I just need him gone," I said, my voice so broken it was barely recognizable.

"I'll call, Bells, and I sure as hell am going to have a talk with those three," he said, his eyes now black and his teeth bared.

"I'll kill him, Bells, I swear to God I'm going to fucking destroy that leech," Jake growled, his muscles so tensed that the veins clearly stood out again his russet skin.

"No," I said, my head shaking as I turned to glance over my shoulder. "No Jake, let him live, let him live for eternity. I want him alone and hurting for the rest of his existence. Death is too easy."

"I'm sorry, Bella, if I had known, if I had any clue…" Emmett's voice once hard as stone now sounded choked, his eyes swimming with tears that would never fall.

"I know, Em," I said, my breath hitching as I touched his arm, my finger burning with the contact, but I ignored them.

"And Rose…," he said, his voice suddenly dropping as he looked at me, his gaze thoughtful, "I can't promise she won't kill him Bella, and I won't keep this from her. After tonight everyone will know of their betrayal."

"I know, I thought of that, but try," I said as I tried to ignore the slightly happy portion of my soul that yearned to watch his body erupt into purple smoke.

"And Esme, she'll be broken, she won't stand for it, there may be more divorces than just your own," he said, his voice grave but no less sure. It was tearing him apart inside, family was everything, and now the one he had been so apart of was about to fall.

The room was silent then, my breathing rough as I tried to fight my pain, the burning emptiness in my womb screaming. Jacob sensed it, a deep thrum reverberating in his chest, tickling my back but soothing me none the less. Every night as I fought for sleep and ran from the nightmares and pain that awaited each abyss, he would make this sound, almost a purr but rougher, a growl that held no malice, full of love and understanding and acceptance.

"Emmett, tell your leader he is no longer welcomed in the area, that he has twenty-four hours to vacate Forks, at sunset tomorrow I give orders to kill those three on sight. The agreement is now void. They took a life and I will not stand for it," Jake said, his voice was steady, absent of hatred that I could feel echoing through every move he made. It was the voice of an Alpha, a voice of a Chief, and soon I knew, he would be taking his place as leader.

"I understand," Emmett responded, no fight left in him as he slumped, his eyes tired and suddenly he looked as old as he truly was.

"You and the others are still welcomed," Jake continued, his gaze kinder than it had been only moments before. "The mates of those who betrayed Bella are only welcomed as long as they separate themselves verbally to me or one of my wolves. If they stay by their sides, they will be considered accomplices to this crime and will be judged as harshly as the traitors, understood?"

"Understood," Emmett said as his shoulders shook as he tried to pull himself together, his breathing harsh. He glanced at me then, his eyes so full of misery that I felt myself wishing to hold him to me, but knowing that the feel of his skin was too fresh in my memory.

"Let them know they are prohibited in contacting Bella in any form, and that those who stay are to leave her alone as well until she decides differently. They may stay, but I don't want them bothering her," Jake commanded, his voice so hard that there was no mistake who was in charge.

"I understand, Chief Black," Emmett said and I looked for any form of sarcastic malice lining his face, but there was none. Emmett was recognizing the same that I had realized only moments before. Billy was the unofficial Chief and Sam the Alpha, but here, in this room, for the first time, Jake was becoming both.

Jake nodded his head, his eyes locking with my own, before resting his chin on top of my head. He had said his peace, the politics having now been settled and he had left it to me to finish it. My heart thudded at the thought, but as much as I loved Emmett, as much as I trusted him, I needed him gone. I needed to be able to mourn once more, the whole burning in me only growing.

"Thank you, Emmett, for everything," I whispered as I looked at him, the tears falling faster than they had been.

"I'll take care of everything, Bella," he said as he rose, his voice suddenly as quiet as my own, the strength had been completely stolen from him.

I nodded my head at him, watching him with as much tenderness as I could muster, hoping that he understood because I could no longer voice it. The choking cries were instantly filling my throat as I turned back to Jacob, my head burrowing into his shoulder, hiding. And as soon as the door clicked closed, the wails of agony and misery tore through me so violently that instantly Jake pulled me down, his hands clutching me as tightly as he dared.

My baby was gone, my precious vibrant daughter who would never laugh, never smile, never dance, had been destroyed so suddenly and violently that the whole left in me was so large and deep there was no hope of ever filling it.

I whispered her name them, needing to hear it in the air, needing to reassure myself with its sound.

"What was that?" Jake asked, his hands moving slowly, comforting and kneading any of my muscles that had become solid and rigid.

"It's her name," I answered, my watery gaze locking with his own. "Her name is Renesmee."

**A/N:** Hopefully you guys liked this chapter, let me know what you think. Ja!


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